ONE FOR THE AGELESS

Hello Fans,

It has been quite a week of milestones in the MLB.  First, Jamie Moyer broke Brooklyn Dodger Jack Quinn’s 1932 record of being the oldest pitcher to get the big ‘W’ at 49 years and change.  However, Moyer still has a ways to go for oldest player as Satchel Paige threw from the hill at 59 years young.  Wow.  Then, a masked man who possessed some of the best vision to ever view the dish, Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez, announced that his retirement press conference will take place on Monday April 23rd.  Finally, today, the Yanks and Red Sox went at it in 1912 fashion to officially commemorate the storied and great Fenway Park’s 100th birthday nearly to the minute of the start of the very first game as today’s first pitch was thrown just after 3 p.m. EST.  So, in the spirit of old-time legends, here is the All-Ageless Team from players to managers to stadiums and whatever else a club may need to succeed.

We should start if off with the oldest player of all-time to homer, and that is Julio Franco.  He was 48 years and 254 days old when he last took one deep for the New York Mets.  He also won a batting title in ’91 at a clip of .341.  We’ll need a backup so let’s go with Jack Quinn.  Yes, he’s the same pitcher mentioned above.  Impressive.  He grabbed a round tripper for the Philly A’s, which is good for fourth all-time at 46 years plus.

While maintaining the power surge, let’s sign up the oldest player ever to homer three times in a game.  That would be Stan “The Man” Musial, who did it in 1962 at age 41 years and 229 days.  Wow!  He also just happens to be number four all-time in hits too.  Jason Giambi passed Reggie Jackson for 2nd all-time last year at 40 years and 111 days, but we don’t need green thong-wearing power hitters on this team.  Or any other color for that matter!  I like this next guy’s guts and determination to go along with his all-around skills.  He’s a catcher, of course, and also has the 2nd most homers ever by a player 40+.  Yep, that would be a guy who ironcially didn’t break in until he was 24, HOFer Carlton Fisk.  He cranked out 72 long balls (and 72 was his jersey number) for the ChiSox in his 40s.

Well, call me partial, but I found a way to make sure this leftfielder made the team.  Actually, I didn’t have to find anything, I only had to sort out WHICH amazing stat should be used.  Perhaps the best hitter of all-time, Ted Williams, pulls into spring training on this team being the oldest batting title winner, at 39, and he hit .388!  That’s ridiculous.  I’ve seen guys who can’t hit that in slow-pitch softball!!  Plus, in 1960, at 42 years old, he hit .316 with 29 HR, 72 RBI, and a 1.096 OPS in 113 games, and famously homered in his last at-bat ever!

Ok, we know we can hit.  Let’s take some arms with us too.  Gonna need an ace first, so let’s go with the oldest 20-Game Winner ever.  Warren Spahn is the man for the job as he claimed 23 victories in 1963 for the Milwaukee Braves.  He also has another 340 wins to boot and may have had 400 if not for his military service time.  He’s in!  Next, this right-hander was 12-6 with a 2.91 ERA and 203 K’s in just 173 innings pitched in 1991.  He led the league in WHIP too with a 1.006!  He also threw a no-hitter at age 44.  It was only his record-extending 7th no-no!  Nolan Ryan just HAD to be on this squad.  We’ll need a closer too so let’s go with one the best ever, the new career saves leader, Mariano Rivera.  Last year, at age 41, he saved another 44 games for the Yanks with a 1.91 ERA and stifling 0.897 WHIP.  He’s pretty good in October too!  Case CLOSED!

Now that we’re armed, let’s flash some fancy leather out there on those hard hit grounders.  Here is one the smoothest fielding, most soft-handed guys ever to play the game.  It’s Omar Vizquel, who “joined” the Toronto Blue Jays this year.  For the Giants, he became the oldest guy to win a Gold Glove at both 38 and 39 years of agelessness in 2005 and ’06.  He has nine other GG’s and has made the most double plays ever by a shortstop.  If you’re going to get flashy out there, you want this next leader.  He’s the oldest league leader in stolen bases ever.  He swiped 66 for the A’s in 1998 at age 39.  He’s in the Hall of Fame and scored more runs than anyone as well as owning a record 1,406 stolen bases.  Rickey Henderson, lead if off for us.

Our manager should be fairly obvious.  They named little leagues after him.  Connie Mack was the oldest skipper ever at 87 years young while he led his beloved Philly Athletics one last time in 1950.  He claimed five World Series titles and 3,731 wins in his storied career.  He was born in 1862, 100 years before Dodger stadium was built.  WOW!  Our mascot has to be old school too.  You may have noticed the baseball-faced man on the Cincy Reds uniforms over the years.  His name is Mr. Red of course, and has been the mascot on and off since 1955, supposedly the oldest MLB mascot.  We don’t want to be considered too soft or overly friendly out there and he looks tough so we’ll go with Mr. Red!

The list is not a complete team, but with these guys at any age and a few other ballers of any vintage, this team would surely hold its own and entertain us all.  And speaking of entertaining, no ballpark provides more excitement than where our team will play.  All apologies to Wrigley Field for losing out in a close vote, but our manager wears green and Fenway has a green wall that you may have heard of.  It’s a real monster to hit around.  Plus, our mascot wears red and there are plenty of red socks up there in Boston.  So, Fenway gets the nod.  Besides, he’s the birthday boy!

Later Fans.